He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
