You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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