Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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