maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
