you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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