Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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