I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
