i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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