i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
