I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
