All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
