Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
