Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
