Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
