This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
