yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
