clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
