I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
