i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
