I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
