Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
