walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
