I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
