what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
