I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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