you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
