Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
