after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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