I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
