You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
