i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
