ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
