saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
