I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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