Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
