dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
