Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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