My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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