just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize