**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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