i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
