I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
