did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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