why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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