she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
