Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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