You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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