I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
