Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
