Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
