I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
