i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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