wat bout pragnant strippers??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
