lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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