So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
