he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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