I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
