I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
