By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
