broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this boner is exhausting
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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