if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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