What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
