He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
