would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
