he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
