Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
