we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
