be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
