wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
