He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
