Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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