you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
