He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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