Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
