You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
