He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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