Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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