did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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