doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize